Raven Read online

  I sure as hell do.

  “My family was obsessed with the mystery of her health. My father, a count in Florence, sent me to the university to study medicine. Looking back, the medical school caused far more harm than good. It was so primitive. We bled people for virtually any condition. We had no concept of how disease spread. I realized that the solution must be found elsewhere. I looked to philosophy, metaphysics, religion. I visited priests and bishops, many of whom promised me solutions through prayer. I paid them to pray for my sister. It never worked. My family’s desperation only fed their greed.”

  “That’s horrible.”

  “It was. A merchant friend of my father’s spoke of an order of monks in the East that was rumored to have harnessed the soul’s energy to cure disease. I traveled there, to the Jiangsu province of China, and heard legends of healing from villagers. They claimed that forty years before, the monks came down to the village to heal the sick, but after a few months, they abruptly stopped. No one could explain why, but the villagers said that anyone who had been healed did not age.”

  “Did you meet any of the people who didn’t age?”

  “Initially, no. The villagers refused to show me anyone who’d actually been healed by the monks. I sensed that the reason was fear. My intuition was confirmed when I was approached by an old woman who showed me a six-year-old boy she claimed to be her son. She demanded money before saying a word. She told me that a monk named Tolor had healed her son many years ago and that he’d returned soon after, saying that she must not reveal to anyone that her son had been healed. So she kept quiet and they eventually left the village for many years, returning only when she could claim he was her grandson. By the time she returned, none of the people who’d been healed remained in the village. She didn’t know if they had been killed or if they’d fled. But she believed the monks had something to do with their disappearance.”

  “The monks scared them off?”

  “That, or worse. I went to the monastery, pleading with the monks to show me a way to heal my sister. Most of them told me nothing, but one took pity on me; he said that even if they had found a way to heal using the power of the soul, to use it would be a grave mistake, because it would upset the cycle of life and death. The monks believed that death was part of the natural order of spiritual evolution. They saw it as God’s will.”

  “But you had no problem upsetting the cycle, because you didn’t believe in God.”

  “Right. The monk’s warning only made me more determined to discover their secret. I also learned that the monk Tolor had left the monastery shortly after the healings had taken place.” His black eyes gleam. “I found him.”

  “Was he a Jiang Shi?”

  “No. He was an old man. I convinced him that I was worthy of the spell, that I could be trusted not to use it carelessly. He warned me, though, that the monks were becoming increasingly militant in tracking down those who’d been changed and killing them. Unfortunately, their mission lives on even today. They began the Order of the Heng Te.”

  “They’re the scholar-warriors you talked about?” An uneasy feeling goes through me.

  “Yes. Is this hard for you to hear, Raven?”

  “I want to hear it. Go on with the story.”

  “At any rate, I returned home to Daniella, and her health was restored.”

  “And you decided to change yourself, too?”

  “Yes. How could I pass up the opportunity? I had planned to do it in my thirty-fifth year, but when the plague came, it became necessary to do it sooner.”

  “What about your parents?”

  “My father died in his sleep. I never had the chance to change him. And my mother, when she took ill, refused to be changed. She believed she’d be restored to health in the afterlife, and she was looking forward to it. She was confident that heaven was a much better place than earth and that she would see my father again. I could not take that away from her.”

  “Eventually you decided to change others besides your sister.”

  He nods. “As much as I enjoy my sister’s company, I hoped that she would not be my only family for eternity. Over the years, I’ve had many opportunities to change people into Jiang Shi. Far too many opportunities, really. But I only allowed myself to change a few. I believe that the world is better off without the strife that would be caused by two kinds of human. All I wanted was to have a proper family—a group of people who could explore the world together, who’d be bonded by shared experience if not by blood. Humans have a great need to live within families.”

  He’s right about that; it is what we want.

  “There were practical reasons for keeping the group small too. Too many Jiang Shi would inevitably attract attention. If governments ever found out about my science, we would be lab rats. Right now, we are the stuff of legend.”

  “How did you decide who to make into Jiang Shi?”

  “There was no particular method, but I chose people I admired. People of strength and resilience and character.”

  “Why did you choose Zin?”

  His mouth crooks, as if he knows what I’m getting at. “Daniella’s infatuation with him was the reason I considered him, but not the final reason I changed him. Zinadin is more than an entertainer, as you know. He brings a fire, a charisma, to everything he does. And he has an innate compassion and kindness that were rare in a young man of his day—of any day. Do you know why he took ill, Raven?”

  “I guess there was a TB epidemic.”

  “Zinadin was traveling with the circus when he received word that a tuberculosis epidemic had hit his village and several of his family members were ill. He was strictly warned to stay away from the village until the epidemic passed. But he didn’t.”

  I close my eyes. What a horrible choice to have to make—to be with your family and risk death, or to stay away and risk never seeing them again.

  “He wasn’t loved just for being an acrobat, Raven. He was loved for being the man he was.”

  “You sound proud of him.”

  “I am.” The warmth in his eyes is unmistakable. I’ll have to tell Zin about our conversation. He’ll be glad to know Carlo feels that way.

  “There is something I haven’t told you, Raven. You may find it intriguing.”

  “What is it?”

  “I dreamed you were coming to Evermore.”

  UNCERTAIN

  RUSTLING

  “I’ll have three Cosmos,” I tell Zin a few minutes later.

  “Cougars, huh?”

  “You shouldn’t judge people by their drinks.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  I crack a smile. “No.”

  He smiles back, but it’s a reserved smile. The kiss is still between us, as if it only happened last night.

  As he makes the drinks, I try not to watch him, but don’t succeed. I still wonder why he let that kiss happen in the first place. Was it a beginning for us, or just a slip of attraction? I’m afraid to ask. The truth is, no matter what was behind that kiss, he probably regrets it after the way I freaked out. He must think I’m immature. A typical immature mortal.

  He is the brightest light I’ve ever known, and I am an idiot with a hole in my soul.

  “Well?” he asks.

  “Well what?”

  “Aren’t you going to deliver the drinks?”

  “Oh.”

  I miss him. The intimacy we had. The endless phone conversations about everything and nothing. The silences in which we would just be.

  I deliver the drinks, and the cougars don’t even tip me. Oh well. I guess I took too long.

  Before I can take another order, I notice that Zack, one of the part-timers, is manning the DJ booth.

  “Where’s Gabriel?” I ask Viola.

  Her brows knit. “No one knows.”

  “Maybe he’s stuck in traffic?”

  “He usually has his cell with him. He should’ve been here an hour ago.”

  She looks worried, which makes me worried. Gabrie
l doesn’t seem like the type to play hooky.

  I go back to my customers. At some point I notice Carlo at the bar talking with Zin. I go up right after Carlo leaves. “Was that about Gabriel?”

  Zin nods. “He left Carlo a note. We’re having a meeting about it when we close. A Jiang Shi meeting.”

  “Can I go? I’m sort of . . . in on things.”

  “There’s no need.”

  But Carlo disagrees. He finds me a few minutes later and tells me to go to the meeting. The tension is killing me. Why does everyone look so nervous?

  After the club has closed and the part-timers have left, we gather in Carlo’s office. “Gabriel is gone,” he says. “He left me a note saying that he is leaving us for an indefinite period of time.”

  The room is dead silent. Carlo hands the note to Richard, who reads it, then passes it on. I read it last.

  Carlo,

  It is time I continue the next part of the journey on my own. I hope you and my beloved Jiang Shi will understand. Please let everyone know that I will miss them, and I expect to return one day.

  Gabriel

  Mig bursts out, “What the hell is he thinking, going off on his own with the Heng Te out there?”

  “I’m concerned for his safety also.” Carlo’s eyes skim over every one of us. “Does anyone know why he did this? Something must have led him to this decision.”

  Shrugs all around. Beside me, Zin is still. I can tell that Carlo is watching him.

  Finally Zin speaks. “It’s not that surprising. Gabriel was unhappy.”

  “I thought it was just a phase,” Daniella says. “We all have our phases.”

  “I know his souls have been giving him trouble,” Viola says. “Maybe it was too much for him.”

  Richard frowns. “Lately he’s been talking about another Civil War. Maybe he wanted to be out of America in case it happens.”

  “Regardless of why he left, if he is in touch with any of you, please encourage him to come home.” Carlo’s voice is rough, and I know he’s speaking from the heart. “We can’t protect one another if we are not together.”

  “He’d better not have gone back to Uganda,” Viola says.

  I turn to Zin. “What about Uganda?”

  “It was our last destination before we came here. Look, this is Jiang Shi business. It’s nothing for you to worry about. I don’t see why Carlo thinks you need to be here.”

  We look up to find Carlo’s eyes on us. “She knows about us, so she should be here,” he says.

  Zin’s eyes are defiant, but he says nothing.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Wanna come over?” Zin asks after the meeting. “Order some pizza?” There’s an urgency in his eyes that doesn’t match his words.

  “Sure.”

  We walk in silence. We haven’t spent time just the two of us since the discovery of the hole in my soul, and I’m too nervous for small talk. I know this has something to do with Gabriel.

  When the door is closed and locked, I ask, “What’s going on?”

  He plunks down on the couch, pulls me down next to him. “What I’m about to say will scare you, but I’m afraid I can’t help it. It’s time you know our suspicions.”

  “Our suspicions?”

  “Gabriel’s and mine.” He takes a deep breath. “Carlo may want to hurt you.”

  “What?”

  “I think he wants to make you a Jiang Shi.”

  “Why would he want that?”

  “He likes you. Maybe he wants to add to the family. I’ve never seen him take this kind of interest in a mortal before. He acts like you’re one of us.”

  “But that’s because I know about all of you. I’m the only mortal who does, right? That’s why he treats me the way he does.”

  “Gabriel and I think he hired Chris Harris. He might’ve planned to find you when you were dying and change you.”

  “That’s crazy! Carlo would never do something like that.”

  “I know Chris Harris was stalking you that night, and I think he was hired to attack you. I have a vague sense of what he was thinking at the time. Sometimes I can tune in to his thoughts. . . . He was expecting money for his next hit, but not from you.”

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “I don’t want to believe it either. Neither does Gabriel. His suspicions go a lot further. He believes there’s an afterlife. He thinks Carlo deceived us into thinking there isn’t one so we’d continue to take souls.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “It’s hard for me to believe that Carlo would deliberately lie to us. But I don’t know. What scares me the most is that he seems to be fixated on you.”

  I want to deny it, but I can’t. It would be a lie to say I didn’t know that Carlo has some sort of special feeling toward me. He’s been hinting at something ever since I got to Evermore. “Even if he’s got this . . . fixation, that doesn’t mean he’d want to hurt me.”

  “He might not see it as hurting you. And there’s something else, Nic. Gabriel believes the Heng Te aren’t real, that Carlo fabricated the myth centuries ago to scare us into banding together. To this day, Carlo is the only one who’s ever encountered a Heng Te.”

  “What about the Jiang Shi who died?”

  “Martine went missing. There was never a body. We have no proof of how she died except what Carlo told us. We all knew she’d been having trouble handling the souls inside her. One of them might have taken her over. Gabriel thinks Carlo could have used her disappearance as an opportunity to perpetuate the Heng Te threat.”

  None of this feels right. “You know where Gabriel is, don’t you?”

  He nods. “The Jiangsu province of eastern China. All the legends originate there. He thinks there might be a way to find out more about this science of the soul, as Carlo calls it. Gabriel has always resented Carlo for changing him into a Jiang Shi. He feels he was cheated out of finding out what lies beyond death. We decided that it’s best to keep his mission a secret until there’s evidence to confront Carlo, if he finds any.”

  “Can’t you see into Carlo’s soul? Wouldn’t it tell you if he’s been lying to you and if he’s capable of hurting me?”

  “Carlo’s soul is opaque. It’s like a wall of light—it’s brilliant, but we can’t see inside. He says it’s because he prefers to keep his soul private, but he’s never revealed to us how he was able to do it.”

  I remember Zin saying that you can know Carlo two hundred years and not know him at all. This must be why.

  “Carlo called you Raven from the start. Did you ever wonder why?”

  “The color of my hair.”

  “It’s more than that. I snuck into his library. Ravens are mentioned in many of the old texts alongside the Jiang Shi. They’re both seen as beings that cross between the realms of the living and the dead.”

  I get up, turn around, and lift the back of my shirt.

  He blanches. “Carlo’s suggestion?”

  “No, he doesn’t even know about it. Nobody does. I just wanted a tattoo, and I kept dreaming of ravens. It’s true that I never thought about ravens before he starting calling me that, but—this is insane. I trust Carlo. I feel a connection between us.”

  His eyes narrow. “That could be his doing too. He’s powerful. He made us all what we are. I don’t know what else he can do. Look, I don’t claim to be rational about this. After you got hurt that night, I felt this rage inside me. No one has the right to hurt you or change you. I won’t lose you, Nic.”

  You don’t have me, I almost say. But it would be a lie. He does have me, and he always will. Magnet and metal never change.

  UNSEEN

  I tell myself that the next time I set eyes on Carlo, I’ll know. I’ll know if he could possibly be behind the attack. I’ll know if he’s lying about the Heng Te.

  I’ll know if he’s a master of deceit who tricked the Jiang Shi out of believing in an afterlife.

  Before my shift starts, I approach him in the office. “Hey, C
arlo.”

  “Raven.” He puts his work aside. “How has your week been?”

  So we talk about school and breakdancing, and the whole time I am thinking that my intuition should kick in and answer my question about Carlo, but nothing happens. Carlo is a locked box. His eyes give nothing away.

  And neither, apparently, does his soul.

  “I’d better get to work,” I say, getting up.

  “Is there something you wanted to ask me?”

  “Ask you? No. Nothing.”

  “I thought you were working up to a question of some kind. No bother. Have a good shift.”

  “Thanks. See you later.”

  I leave the office, hip-hop sounds coming at me from all angles. What was I thinking? He obviously knew I was trying to figure him out. I just hope he doesn’t suspect why.

  How could I have no intuition at all about him? Isn’t he the one who told me that intuition is everything?

  “Kirk dumped me.”

  I jump. Viola has come up beside me.

  “What happened?”

  “He said I don’t love him. That I don’t take our relationship seriously. He was right. I never wanted to take it seriously, him being mortal and all. Most guys are cool with that. Most guys like that. But Kirk actually wanted something real.”

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

  “Me too. He’s a better guy than I ever realized.”

  “Are you going to try to get him back?”

  “What’s the point? I don’t do long relationships with mortals anyway. None of us do. No offense, but dating mortals sucks.”

  “None taken.”

  “I won’t say I’m not tempted to get back with him for a while. But he’s better off if I let him go. I care about him enough to let him go.”

  She’s right, no doubt.

  She sighs. “Sometimes I tell myself it’s time to be single and celibate for a while. But it never works. When I’m not in a relationship, I feel like I’m missing something. I’m always happier when I have that connection in my life. Friendship isn’t enough. You know that yourself, don’t you?”

  I know that when it comes to me and Zin, friendship never seems like enough. But it’s all I’ve got.